shenaniganry

...you're comepletely free...

2006-10-04T18:34:00.000-05:00

20 days since the last post. I'm sure all 7 of you were constantly refreshing the page eagerly awaiting an update.

Actually, last weekend was the first time somebody actually asked about this. I got a message on Friday night at around midnight (technically Saturday morning I guess). A PHONE message! Thats moving in to the big times. Pity that I was fast asleep and missed the call. What kind of excitement is that? I guess everybody knows how boring I am. Oh well, that'll happen.

So, I've caught some kind of death plague. I feel like crap, and look even worse than usual. I even took an afternoon off of work. My cousin is coming in to town tomorrow, so I have to be somewhat sociable so he doesn't think I'm some sort of freak or something.

My remedy for curing the common cold (or the death plague) is very simple. Drink yourself into oblivion and then see what happens the next day. Its kind of an iffy plan, but hey, its 50/50. Either you get better or you dont. Its been working awesome for me. Time to test the hypothesis again I guess.

team motto? aim low!

2006-09-14T17:43:00.000-05:00

Often times in conversation I'll say that I was a collegiate athlete. That's not entirely true. See, maybe once or twice I PLAYED a pick up game of football or pass the beer, but I never actually played a competitive sport while at school. Mainly because they weren't nearly cool enough. Until now.

I joined a kickball league. And my team is comprised entirely of Penn State Alumni. On a scale of 1-to-10, that fricking rocks! We had our first game last Sunday, and not only did we kick ass, but we went to the bar before AND after the game. On a Sunday. And we played a kick ass game of flip cup at the bar too. All in all, I'm going to go ahead and say that its the greatest thing I've done since moving to Boston. Well, greatest thing I've done on purpose.

candid shots

2006-09-08T16:48:00.000-05:00

I don't particularly like the addition of a camera to every new gadget, however I must admit that without cameraphones, this picture of a PBR truck in Chicago would never have made it all the way to me. I love PBR.

and I thought I was crazy

2006-09-04T22:35:00.000-05:00

Nutcase thy name is Tom Cruise. I'm all for people being crazy (or eccentric if their bank account is large enough) but this is going a little too far. Take from this article:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show their baby daughter off in public, but eager fans were given an unusual preview with the chance to see a bronze cast depicting her first solid stool.

Ok, now I've heard of bronzed shoes, and even bronzed hand prints, but bronzed poop? Whats next? Bronzed first diaper? Bronzed booger? Oh, and it gets better!

"A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family," gallery director David Kesting said, adding that he hoped the work would attract bids of up to 25 or 30,000 dollars.

Thirty thousand dollars for a poop? F engineering, I can get rich an a week. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta make rent.

Crikey!

2006-09-04T00:07:00.000-05:00

Talk about the coolest way to die ever. Steve Irwin (the croc hunter) died after being stung through the heart by a stingray while filming a movie. Sucks, he was pretty cool to watch.

Virginia is for lovers, and Massachusetts is for assholes

2006-08-29T18:08:00.000-05:00

Ah, Beantown. Known for its Irish pubs, free flowing beer, and terrible drivers. In an impromptu poll, Boston was voted to be the place "most likely to come to a completely stop in the left lane for no reason." And not in traffic either. Oh no, its a beautiful morning. God forbid it rains.

Ah rain, the kryptonite of any Bostonians driving ability (however little there is). On a normal day, its quite common to see drivers talking on a cell phone, shaving, or on rare occasions, cutting their hair while on their morning commute. But if one single drop of precipitation falls then all hell breaks loose.

There are 2 types of rain drivers. The first drives like they are surrounded by cops in a funeral procession. Once I was lucky enough to ride the brake for my entire 25 mile commute. Awesome.

The second prefers the stealth driving approach. They turn off the headlights and drive no less than twice the speed limit in an effort hydroplane the entire way to their destination. Why use common sense when you can test common laws of physics?

So that's the rub. The choice to go slow and steady, reaching work alive, or throw caution to the wind and actually get to work on the same day you left. I've decided to dedicate the remainder of my vacation days to taking off rainy days (strangely enough, everything goes smoothly in the snow).

creature of habit

2006-08-28T18:23:00.001-05:00

It's no secret that I hate traffic. Actually, you could say I hate large groups of people in general. Which is why I wake up promptly at 4am every morning in order to sneak into the gym and get to work before most people begin thinking about waking up.

I've found that working out in the quiet of the early morning is much better than struggling through a midafternoon, post-work gym visit. Maybe it's because I'm not as drained after a long day of work, or maybe it's because I'm not as self conscious as people watch me struggle through each set. God forbid I have to do cardio. I'd rather shrivel up and die than run in front of people.

But in any case, it's become a habit, almost an addition to get to the gym before anybody else does. And I've been getting up earlier and earlier to do so. First 5:30, then 5, then 4:30, and now 4:00 am is when I groggily roll out of bed and wonder why the hell I do this.

It's cause of the really attractive Icelandic woman who goes to the gym at 5:15.

gadget whore

2006-08-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

Lets face it, I've probably had more cell phones this year than most people get in a lifetime. Every time some new and/or exciting electronic comes out I usually take the plunge. I have a Robosapien. I think I MAY have turned it on twice. Once when I first bought it, and then again when I accidentally stepped on the remote. I just got the Nike+iPod Kit. I haven't run more than 2 miles in my life. And I only run on a treadmill.

I have an iDog and a Nintendo DS Lite. I don't even know if the iDog works. Lets not get started on the old cell phones. I have a drawer full.

But alas, I've been struck by the need-a-new-shiny-toy bug yet again. Twice. Awesome! So what do I want? Quite simply the Palm Treo 700p and a 15" MacBook Pro. Why? Cause they look cool? I tell myself that I'll use them in unison to better organize my life. I'll never forget to buy bread again! Will it happen? Probably not. The Treo is too big for me to actually take anywhere, so not only will I NOT be organized but I won't use my phone either. And of course, the second I buy a laptop the newer, better, shinier versions come out.

Its a conspiracy.

On another note, I just stumbled upon shalgo a site that makes all sorts of stuff out of duct tape. While it isn't electronic, its another addition to the "Need This Now" list.

moving woes.

2006-08-20T19:35:00.000-05:00

Looks like I'll be moving come this November. Its such a chore to go though all the stuff that's accumulated over the past 2 years and determine what's good enough to be transferred into the new place. Cause I had to buy it for a reason right? Went through all the closets today, decided to get rid of any clothing I haven't worn in 2 months. Then I realized that all that's packed away is winter garb. Well, there goes that idea.

Three day weekends should become mandatory. Or maybe the revocation of 12 hour workdays.

i've made it big (again.)

2006-08-13T20:21:00.002-05:00

so just this week I have seen 2 sachin-isms make it big time.

First one was in a Dilbert strip. Notice how Dogbert says "best party ever." Yea, thats mine.

Second was on TV! Somebody said negatory. Who the hell else would say that? its such a terrible word.

I thought it tasted kind of weird...

2006-03-15T13:50:00.000-05:00

chris: http://www.laphroaig.com/
sachin: "There are 3 main ingredients for making Laphroaig - Barley, Water, and Yeast, but the secret ingredient is the People."
sachin: cannibal whiskey!~
chris: hahahaha

logs are awesome

2006-03-12T15:28:00.000-05:00

Money (2:44:58 PM): hey
Money (2:45:01 PM): check this out
Money (2:45:09 PM): I went to in-n-out drunk
Money (2:45:17 PM): and we were going through the drive thru
Money (2:45:46 PM): well I knew there's this burger on the secret menu for a burger without a bun
Money (2:46:26 PM): I didn't know if it was called a "flying Dutchman" or "Cleveland steamer"
Money (2:46:37 PM): but I was so gone I couldn't decide
Money (2:46:55 PM): I knew one of them was a sexual reference but I couldn't make up my mind
Money (2:47:05 PM): dude I totally order a Cleveland steamer with no pickles

foiled again!

2006-03-12T15:24:00.000-05:00

Sachin: so how about today
Sachin: I'm at the grocery store
Sachin: and I always pick the line with the hottest check out girl
Sachin: and sometimes I buy Trojan magnums, but that's not the point
Sachin: today I was doing my thing with a thing thing
Sachin: and she gave me this really odd look
Sachin: and kind of smirked
Sachin: later I found out that I bought "Chronicles of Narina" chapstick
Sachin: I'm such an idiot

back in...black?

2006-01-16T20:35:00.000-05:00

sachin: so, did you manage to hook up with a girl on Saturday?
Chris: probably would have if I didn't offend her
Chris: I'm not exactly sure what it was that I said
Chris: but I was referred to as "very abrasive"
sachin: haha
sachin: 'very abrasive'
sachin: awesome!
sachin: all I get is slapped or called an ass
sachin: you were goin for a smart girl

My New Break-Up Form Letter

2005-08-19T13:49:00.000-05:00

Dear *Name*,

I know the we said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, *Name*." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19 with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive *Name*? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, *Name*, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of Lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the Kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't *Name* ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, *Name*, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you, and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me want to cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, *Name*. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over?

Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fvcking remote is?

Sachin

"Live, Love and Laugh Always"

greatest idea ever?

2005-08-15T05:42:00.000-05:00

mulax: you're going to LAUGH
mulax: http://www.cleverpetproducts.com/catalog.asp?prodid=451291
sachin: so you strap your dogs shit to its neck?
sachin: that seems brutal
mulax: who cares
mulax: it's called poopsadaisy
sachin: well, the dog for one
mulax: like oopsadaisy
sachin: right
sachin: but with poop

why am I never getting married?

2005-08-14T01:52:00.000-05:00

Wife comes home early from work one day only to find her husband in bed with a strange woman.
She says, "That's it, I'm leaving and never coming back."

He says, "Don't you at least want to hear my explanation?" She shrugs and says, "Fine, let's hear your story. And this had better be good!"

He says, "Well, I'm driving along the street, when I see this young lady in torn clothes, no shoes, all muddy and crying. I took pity on her and asked if she would like to get cleaned up in my house. She climbed into my truck and I brought her home. She took a shower, I gave her the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore, the silk blouse and slacks that I bought you two years ago that you wore once, the $150 Nike running shoes you bought and wore only twice. I even gave her some of the roast beef you had in the fridge, that you never served me. I showed her to the door She was so grateful, for all these things, and she thanked me profusely. But then, as she was about to leave she turned around and asked me........

"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?"

This is what I work with...

2005-08-04T06:12:00.000-05:00

cbriody (7:11:40 AM): so i tried being really funny last night and i got a huge laugh out of it (but angela thought i was insane)...
cbriody (7:11:53 AM): we were on the phone and she said she had to go read harry potter cause she finally got it
cbriody (7:12:05 AM): and i told her not to forget her robe and wizard's hat

i've figured it out

2005-08-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

Life is like butt sex, sometimes, you get fvcked, sometimes you get to do the fvcking. In the long run, it's probably not worth it. But if you were a condom, the sun comes up the next day. And when you babble on about all kinds of crap, and people stop listening to you, well, you know it's the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. Back in 1987, I had a dog named scruffy. Scruffy had a problem, and I couldn't help. But I loved that dog, more than anything else in the world. Except this girl. Her name was Amanda. She had a belly the size of a V8 engine. Loud, too. And if you changed the oil when you were supposed to, it runs fine, like a well-kept computer, only without the network card. I hate network cards, but not as much as printers. Printers were the most God-awful thing man ever hooked up to a computer. Except for USB flash drives. You plug 'em in, and what to do you get? Crap. Just like butt sex.

freedom?

2005-07-30T23:54:00.000-05:00

As of this moment I have been working for 38 weeks. And I'm tired of it. I want to wear ratty shorts and a hoodie just because I can. I want to take a shower in the middle of the day. I want to drive to the store without getting stuck in traffic. I want to work out in the mornings and get my pre-job strength back. I no longer want to have 9-hour/day headaches. I want to eat healthy, floss, sit up straight and drink eight glasses of water every day... all because I don't have to worry about anything else.

And to think, I only have 45 more years of this to go. Unless I marry a rich girl. Notice how I didn't even metion she had to be attractive.

2005-07-28T22:23:00.000-05:00

somebody had to do it

so it might as well be me. Arguably one of the more unique sites I've ever been to. But seriously, nobody can be THIS lazy. Watch the video, but not at work.

real work conversations...

2005-07-28T15:50:00.000-05:00

bailey: how does deal detector work
sachin: ...........?
bailey: are there monekys that constanly check for fares?
bailey: i bet they are mexican
bailey: mexican monkeys

juvenille I know, but still hilarious

2005-07-27T15:46:00.000-05:00

Q: why does Tigger smell??

A: Because he plays with Pooh...

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm....

2005-07-25T01:05:00.000-05:00

Did you ever wonder if the guy that runs Post Secret laughs at all of the ridiculous things that people send in to him? Maybe thats HIS secret?

Boy is his face red!

2005-07-24T19:14:00.000-05:00

Man this poor guy probably feels like a sack of shit right now. Getting shot down at a frickin' basketball game. I mean really, what kind of girl does that? I thought it was standard operating procedure to atleast give him the fake 'yes' just so he doesn't look like a moron in front of everybody. Guess I need to rethink my proposal plans. And Sox tickets are so expensive.

I'll take two!

2005-07-23T21:49:00.000-05:00

Arguably the coolest mp3 player ever. I could totally ditch my mini and get this for when I go to the gym. If only it wasn't so expensive. Oh well.

link!

The nerve!

2005-07-22T19:11:00.000-05:00

Apparently, this guy right here thinks that he is some sort of quarter bouncing god. Which he isn't. I bet he hasn't even played 1 frickin' game of 41 in his life. Give me 3 days of preparation, and I could make him cry. If he wasn't too busy throwing up.

2005-07-22T13:00:00.000-05:00

I'm back. Just thought you'd like to know.